It has been 5 weeks since my last period and I was one of those people that thought it couldn’t happen to me! But to get the thought of pregnancy out of my head I thought it would be a good idea to do a home test. So I went to the supermarket with my fiancé, trying to decide the better value pregnancy test to buy, do I go with the singular test? Or do I buy the double pack for a little more money but better value? But little did I know that soon the relevance in the price of the test would be nothing compared to the result of the test being two blue positive lines. As soon as I saw the test I immediately knew that I was pregnant, I knew my breasts were tender but I thought that may have been because my period was due. I ran into my fiancé and told him and his face dropped, he said that he wanted me to do the other one to be sure. So I did, and another positive result. I cried and cried that night as I never wanted to be in a situation where I had to make a decision like this, I felt like I wanted to get out of my own body, to run away, the thought of a sac or fetus in my uterus made me feel sick. But there was nothing I could to, I started to become depressed and didn’t shower for 3 days not wanting to see my breasts forming into something I was not ready for. The following day I visited my general practitioner and she sent me for a scan and blood work to confirm a positive pregnancy. The scan showed a gestational sac at about 5 weeks. In a way I felt relief knowing that I was only 5 weeks along because the month prior I had a period but it was very light and unusual so I had done a pregnancy test just to be sure and it came up negative, but it was of those tests where I had done it and left it in the bath room for my fiancé to check, so who knows, he could have been looking at two lines and accidently looking at it as a negative result. We knew what we wanted to do; we had discussed it together before and if I was to fall pregnant the decision was to abort. We weren’t ready to have a baby, we were getting married in 5 months and we hadn’t bought a house yet, my fiancé was between jobs and he was renting and I was still living with my parents, we were still paying off our cars, we had our future planned, we planned to have children but not for a couple of years and this baby would have changed everything, but most importantly I was just not ready to be a mum yet. During the time of finding out I was pregnant and the time to have an abortion there was 10 days, I was an emotional wreck, all I was doing was thinking, 1000 thoughts of what if’s going through my head, at work I would dream all day in the evening when it came to relaxing in front of the television I would zone out or I would sleep to get my mind off it, all I was thinking about was how I would feel later, would I regret it? Finally the day came and the doctor was great, they were very informative and comforting, the waiting room was full of ladies doing the same procedure as me, old, young, married, single you name it, in the waiting room there was some laughter between couples or with some complete quietness, it made me feel better in a way, knowing that there were other women doing it and it wasn’t only me.
As soon as I woke up after theatre I felt tears falling down my cheeks, but they were good tears, they were tears of relief, I was no longer pregnant and I felt myself again, the following day all signs of morning sickness were long gone and I was back to my happy bubbly self again. And I can confidently say, I’m not sorry.
   |